Investing In Your Partner - Creating The Relationship And Future You Want

The idea that you have to "find" the perfect partner is severely flawed. There is no need to "find" a partner because you can virtually turn anyone into the best version of themselves. It just takes patience, dedication and love.

"I never say I love you dear, just to hear it back."

A Major Limiting Belief - The Issue of Looks

A lot of men reject women purely because they are not beautiful or pretty enough. This is especially true for a lot of us PUAs, we seldom approach "average" looking women once we're really good at game. I would like you to reconsider this point. Have you considered that with a bit of investment, you can turn any woman from a HB6 to a HB9?

How I would modify your approach is to start approaching girls that are not based on looks, but on feel. If they caught your eye in some way or the way they dress and portray themselves make you feel intrigued, you should approach them.

Not all 9s and 10s are born that way. Just like you, HB9s learnt the psychology behind attracting men, they put effort into their makeup and dress, and they go to the gym and workout. We can apply the same techniques they have used to make our partners look better if that is what you want.

Picking The Right Partner

Now we have looks out of the way. The more important criterias are actually base experiences. Base experiences are important because the early experiences in our lives shaped a lot of our values and what we believe in today. These "base experiences" of you and your partner should align and be roughly the same because these things are much harder to change as it revolves around your core values.

Also, another factor you should consider is the future you want. The future you want and the future of your partner want should align. This way, you would be able to invest in one another working on the same agenda achieving a "dream" together. By extension, investing in your partner is also investing in your future self, and it would be difficult to invest in a partner who has a dream you don't want to live in.

The last factor you should consider is "how advanced is this person in their self-development journey." We want to have women who have progressed to a similar place as us, with clear signs that she can maintain your rate of growth. Everyone engages in self-improvement, its just a matter of how much, how deliberate and conscious they invest in themselves.

A Dangerous Trap - Trying To Change Your Partner

When I say "relationship design" I do not mean to try to mould and change your partner into your ideal version of her where you narcissistically turn her into someone who can fulfil all your needs. This is in fact what most relationships tends to be, it is the default outcome.

What I actually mean is to see the absolute best version of her, and ask yourself, "Would this be a person I would want to be around." After we have seen the best version of her, we help her become that person.

We do not impose ourselves on our partners, it is their responsibility for their own self-growth. We are only there to support and facilitate their growth and vice versa as our role as supporting and loving partners.

How To Actualize Your Partners Potential

Your contribution in a relationship is to provide leadership and vision, and therefore we lead by example in a relationship. Any changes we want our girlfriend to make, we will make it for ourselves first, and simply invite her to tag along and join us.

No words needs to be communicated in the world of change. For example, my grandma had declining health because of a poor diet, I nagged her for a long time to eat a healthier diet. When I examined the diet of my own, I was just as unhealthy as her, but in a younger body.

The moment I led by example, my grandma magically started to eat healthier as well. This revolutionary insight single-handedly added a few years to the most important person in my life. Simply because, I had the courage to lead by example, and become a source of inspiration and guidance for others to follow.

I hope this story has perfectly illustrated the way we encourage others to become the best version of themselves. A person who talks and never do, is a hypocrite, and therefore, not a real leader.

Day To Day Communication

Open and honest communication is a critical part of actualizing the best for the both of you. We are not static robots whom will stay consistent month over month, but we change, day after day. Just your emotions alone will be different compared to yesterday.

To communicate these changes, whether it be emotional, financial, mental or whatever changes it may be, we must be open and honest in the way we communicate with our partner. No detail will be left behind. This is a real test of your vulnerability. In this way, open communication facilitates our ability to be more mindful of one another.

A lot of relationship blunders can simply be avoided with open and honest communication. Because if the both of you are communicating properly, you will be able to mind-read each other with reasonable accuracy. Become aware of her current thoughts, desires and the problems that are occupying her mind. We can then make efforts align our actions and be more thoughtful.

Long Term Communication

The vision the both of you have must be reinforced and clarified consistently week over week, so that you know where the both of you are going and how the both of you will realize your collective goals.

Relationships that have stagnated are the result of poor long-term communication. The inability to plan for the future might not only cost you happiness, but the full actualization potential of you and your partner. What a shame!

When you feel that your relationship stays in one place and does not evolve, this is a clear sign that you're doing something wrong. It should feel exciting, to work on something greater than yourself day after day.

With the right partner and good communication, relationships can supercharge your self-help journey. A study I read back in the day said that humans can take 10X the pain if they were to take the pain and sacrifice for someone they loved.

Exclusive Day

Every week, I have a day where I don't have any distractions and I fully focus on my partner. We go on dates and spend time together doing something fun. A relaxation right at home.

This is not only fun, but crucial to the long-term success of the relationship. No matter what happens or how disastrous it may seem, it will wait, and this exclusive day will take priority.

This day gives you space to communicate with each other deeply, bond and deepen your love and plan for your future without any distractions from the outside world. It can also be an opportunity to raise to any dissatisfaction or change that needs to be enacted.

Teaching And Learning

To become a good investor of others, we become great teachers. We learn ways to communicate abstract fuzzy ideas derived from experience (usually hard to communicate), into concrete words and sentences used in a way that the listener understands us with clarity.

To properly invest in your partner, you must set aside some time for your collective learning as a unit. Spend time teaching your skills to her, while she does the same to you. You cannot grow together if you both do not have the necessary educational foundations to build a great life.

Learning something new with your spouse is oftentimes the fastest way to learn a new skill. It makes it engaging and fun and the both of you can give each other motivation until the work is done.

Tell Her Everyday, How Much You Love Her

Appreciation for your partner, championing what she stands for and taking her agenda as ours is part of investing in our partner's future. Never take your partner for granted. and appreciate every moment you have together.

Time is all we have in our lives, everyday while you still can, appreciate that you are together and that she is in your life. Tell her how much you love her, how much she means to you. Tell her to very last day when you can no longer tell her.

Tell her despite any argument, dispute or disagreement. Everyday and every moment spent in discontent is a day or second wasted to show what it truly means to love and believe in someone.

Selflessness

Investing in your partner is not an equal 50/50 effort all the time. There will be periods where she will make more sacrifices than you, and vice versa. A wise man once told me, never keep the score, as long as it adds up to 100%, it doesn't matter.

When taking actions, we do what is best for our partners over our own immediate needs. This is very easy to say but in reality, this is very hard to do. You have to choose to be selfless in the little day-to-day acts of service over your comfort and convenience.

A Dangerous Trap - A Lack Of Reciprocation

Just because we deeply invest in our partner, doesn't mean that she has the maturity to reciprocate this investment in us. We must be wary of people who are unable to make it a two-way street.

You wake up everyday and decide to invest in your partner, therefore she has to wake up everyday and arrive at that same conclusion as well! You can develop confidence in your partner using time and allow her to show you that she is prepared to make the same amount of sacrifices you will for her.

As the relationship develops over the years, this will solidify and you will have trust like no other. If the two of you are able to consistently invest in each other over 2 years, it's a good indicator that it will last forever, and you can let your guard down.

The Dead Bird Under The Nest Never Learns How To Fly

Usually, the PUA coming into the relationships will be more emotionally developed, with more actual concrete resources and skills to acquire resources. There could be a certain tendency to spoon-feed everything to our partners.

When we intervene in everything she do, and jump in every moment she needs help, she will become dependent on us. Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is to just let them tough it out and learn the lessons for themselves.

We steal and poach these valuable lessons from our partners when we come in and aid every single moment they need it. Instead, play a supportive role instead of an interventionist. Value independence, as it's vital for the self-esteem of your partner.

Conclusion

This is the secret of how I generate real abundance in my life. I don't offer women my materialistic possessions or status, but I offer my maturity and helping them to actualize the best version of themselves. This is the real extraordinary gift that is in short supply, and any woman will truly regret rejecting me, I would regret rejecting myself if I knew this is what my partner will do.

That's it for me. Best of luck. Please check out my other posts and practice everything holistically. Send me an email if you want a specific topic written. You can see "coaching" to see if I have room to onboard new students.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.