How To Make A Woman Fall In Love With You - The Fundamentals Of Comfort

Deep intimacy is one of the most potent things to further deepen her attraction for you after hook point. If you are a PUA, comfort is likely one of those topics that flies over your head.

So today, I will be sharing how I naturally build comfort with women, boiling it down into principles so that you can do the same.

Value Takes Precedence

Value always comes first, there can be no comfort without value. Before attempting to even build comfort you need to test on if you can even begin to build comfort. I often use mini-qualifyers before I start building comfort.

A big mistake is that you undermine your value to build comfort. Just like kino escalation there is different layers of comfort, and you must slowly warm her up to deeper aspects of intimacy.

What Is Comfort?

I seperate comfort into physical and verbal. In the regards of verbal comfort, you build that by deepening your intimacy. Intimacy is built by relating and communicating the essence of her personality and yours. Example;

1. The similarities between you two.
2. The values you both share.
3. The experiences you both have in common.
4. The things that makes her special to you and vice versa.

People often confuse comfort for the boyfriend frame whereby commitment is subcommunicated. That is not what comfort is. I hope that you have noticed that you cannot build comfort by insisting you're not a player!

Physical comfort is also required. Building physical comfort is nothing more than letting her spend time with you in different locations without making her feel like she is in danger.

If you are experiencing LMR, it's likely because you lack the sufficient levels of physical and verbal comfort necessary to have sex. So, we'll start out with the principals of verbal comfort first and move on to physical.

Comfort Principle #1 - Vulnerability

Being vulnerable about your flaws and past mistakes gives opportunity to the girl to relate to your experience and emphatize with the suffering you have incurred from the past.

Pivotal life events is also good for practicing vulnerability. This helps the girl to understand your blueprint of values and experiences. Get used to sharing your stories that changed who you are how they altered the path you taken in life.

The greatest principle of vulnerablilty is that you put down your armor and let everyone see your true self. For a person who so deeply accepts himself that he is neither hurt by the judgement and backlash for his imperfections.

Vulnerability is a honest signal because its a sign that you love yourself. When you love yourself, you are deeply grounded. Being deeply grounded is none other than what it means to be masculine.

Comfort Principle #2 - Authenticity

Authenticity is the principle that you stay real to who you are. It is the lack of peoples pleasing behaviour, expressing your thoughts and feelings with honesty as they come up.

It is also the lack of shame for who you authentically are without the restrictions of social norms. It is to uphold your deepest values, and maintaining integrity around your values.

Corruption is the major barrier to authenticity. Most people are hesitatant on being authentic because it would reveal how selfish and evil they actually are. This restricts how authentic you can actually be in your life and you need to surgically remove these lesions of corruption within you.

You can be so authentic in fact, that you can get a girl to kiss you without saying a single word. When I am totally at peace (in other words without corruption), I am so authenthic that my presence and body language alone radiates love to the people around me.

Comfort Principle #3 - Qualification

Making her share things about herself is called qualification. To make her qualify, we make statements about ourselves to make her "qualify" on why she is similar to us.

When you want to screen the girl on certain traits, for example I like adventerous girls. I don't ask questions like "where have you backpacked" etc. I lead by sharing stories on my own adventures and just expect that she does the same. A girl that likes you will follow your lead and fall into your frame.

One big mistake is that you may insist on building comfort, despite knowing the fact that she refuses to fall into your frame (not qualifying). This would mean that you still lack value in her eyes. You then need to come out of comfort and build more value through flirting.

Another mistake is that you do not follow the principle of verbal leadership and you reverse the order. Making her share about herself and then you qualifying to her! This leads to interview like situations and is the wrong way to qualify.

I have this funny story to demonstrate what qualification looks like. I was sharing how I ate salads every morning, and this girl who is chain smoking cigarettes, drinking alchohol leans over in my ear and tells me how much she loves health, wellness and salads. I couldn't stop smiling and said "wow that's just great."

Comfort Principle #4 - Listening

When a woman qualifies to you and shares about her story and background, flip the script and now become the listener. Encourage her to talk about herself. Then, totally accept her for who she is but only validate things that you personally find to be attractive to you.

Unlike qualification, you are not leading the conversation but instead, she goes into this sharing mode and you almost become like a therapist. So make it easy for her to share her vulnerabilities and the important life events that has happened in her life.

Make a habit of saying what you find attractive about her and what makes her special to you. This will build a lot of comfort because she will think that you, (the high value guy) find her to be special.

But of course, dont fake this because you will trigger a shit test if she thinks you're being un-genuine. People are really different and it's okay if you two dont connect, just move on.

Comfort Principle #5 - Calibrated Escalation

Everytime you have escalated smoothly, making her feel happy, safe and sexy you will increase your physical comfort with her. As a result, she will likely be more willing to follow your lead, and trust you more.

It can be any form of escalation. Example, calibrated logistical escalation means bouncing her around to different places, and at the end she is happy, feels safe and is not hurt. Calibrated physical escalation leaves her feeling sexy and turned on.

Comfort Principle #6 - Sex

Sex simultaneously builds comfort and value on top of what you already had. So you might tell me, wont it be more efficient to maximize value and build comfort with sex? Well, You can!

But if you do it this way you will lack the effect that intimacy has. If a girl has deep intimacy with who you are, you will have substantial comfort built up from before, and sex becomes like comfort cubed. This will make her fall in love with you.

Building too much value may lead to situations where the girl just sees you as fun and something short term instead of anything serious. It might also lead to situations where she will start demanding comfort.

Comfort is often a judgement for the level of your commitment for her, so if she is just looking for an FWB, then less comfort is needed. Also, the less experienced she is, the more comfort you would need to build.

Comfort Principle #7 - Massive Experience

The verbal aspects of these principles are useless if dont have the life experience required to follow these principles. That is why you should invest considerable time and effort to gather more life experience in which then you can use to relate with women.

Having some experience in all domains of life allows you to build intimacy with different types of women. You have something to relate to ambitious types, adventerous type, soft and gentle types, spiritual types etc.

Women are looking for leaders. You can't be a leader if you dont grow and develop yourself. Her growth is limited by yours, and if your growth is less than hers, she will be unwilling to connect and relate with you.

Conclusion

The difference between this post and my how to love others post is that this is more PUA oreinted. If you try to implement the principles of loving others you might shoot yourself in the foot trying to seduce women infield. Apply the principles of love after you have sex.

Best of luck. Please check out my other posts and practice everything holistically. Send me an email if you want a specific topic written. You can see "coaching" to see if I have room to onboard new students.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.