Femininity And Masculinity. What Is The Difference And How To Cultivate Both.

There is grave confusion about femininity and masculinity, leading to a crisis on both ends. In this article, we will be specifically defining what is masculinity and femininity, and offer some techniques on how to improve and cultivate both.

Masculinity And Femininity Has Nothing To Do With Gender

Masculinity does not equal man. Femininity does not equal woman. As a balanced person, you should cultivate both traits equally to a high degree of inner presence. In other words, you should both have the ability to exhibit masculine and feminine qualities.

The confusion lies in the pragmatic aspect. Since most women are attracted to masculinity, and vice versa. Most people totally forget to cultivate the other side of the coin so that it nicely balances you out as a person.

Masculinity and femininity are fluid. Each person will have a natural preference of where they would like to operate on the spectrum. So let's say I skew masculine 60% and feminine 40%. That's only simply where I like to operate from.

But, if need be, I have the power and ability to tap into my masculinity or femininity to 100%. This skillset should be available to both genders, and a lack of ability to do so leads to dysfunction in your own life and cause the inability to relate to others.

What Is Masculinity?

Masculinity simply just means being grounded. It is to be sure of oneself, his identity and his abilities. From being grounded, his confidence and sureness penetrate the world and bring presence. This attitude towards life can then be seen in his behaviour to the outer world.

Think of it like a tree. A tree with deep roots but no penetration goes unnoticed. A tree that's too big without roots to support it will fall if windy conditions come. But a tree with deep expansive roots can grow as tall as he wants.

Many people today in the success-oriented culture, grow too big without having sufficient masculinity to ground themselves in reality. This leads to devastating outcomes when adverse conditions cause their downfall.

Counterintuitively, becoming more feminine will enhance and allow you to become more masculine. Think of it like the tree starting to grow fruits and birds starts to live in your tree after developing you develop your femininity.

Principle #1 - Authenticity

Every single masculine man in this world is authentic to his inner self. This is why Models is such a popular book amid a masculinity crisis. To become more masculine in your life, what you need is to become more authentic to who you are as a person.

The first step of authenticity is understanding. You have to first deeply understand yourself first, about your preferences for life before you can start to illicit boundaries to protect and secure these preferences.

So if you want more authenticity in your life, simply just explore and be open minded about more things, ideas and experiences. Doing the things you like is the easy part, figuring out the things you like is the hard part. The process to get to do those things are the in-between.

Principle #2 - Creation

As discussed in authenticity, we now have an understanding of what we want in life. So now, we have to go get it. Creation is all about taking ideas in your mind, and turning them into reality.

This is why women like "purposeful men" and "men that are going somewhere in life." What this basically translates to is that they like masculine people who create stuff into the world, or in other words, penetrating and creating presence, imposing himself into the world.

Creation is all about knowing where you're going, and imposing yourself into the world to get what you want. This means discovering a purpose and acquiring relevant skills to achieve said purpose.

Principle #3 - Decisiveness

As mentioned, masculinity is about being grounded. When you are grounded you understand exactly what you want. When you know what you want, you can act quickly and become decisive to acquire those things.

Decisiveness also relates to authenticity. You need to have a clear understanding of your values, properly identifying which opportunities are right or wrong for you. The ability to say yes or no quickly relying on this value system.

Have you noticed you tend to lose attraction from women when you can't make up your mind? Decisiveness is something you can practice. Start practising being decisive with small decisions with no consequences first instead of big decisions, such as what to eat when ordering at a restaurant.

Principle #4 - Confidence

A masculine man is confident in the things he does. Naturally, you cannot be confident when starting out due to incompetence. Therefore, confidence is closely linked to mastery.

Mastery is to repeatedly focus your attention into one skill, and continue to cultivate it to a point where you're better at it compared to 99% of people. For example, pickup is one of the domains I have mastered in my life, bringing this article to life.

Competence leads to confidence. Because confidence is just a result of one's sureness in himself. This "sureness" results from the mastery of the activity, leading to a good understanding and removing ambiguity in the situation.

Auxillary Function - Exploration

While not directly related to masculinity, exploration helps in the cultivation of masculinity. What is meant by genuine exploration is to dive head first into not knowing.

A person with a high-quality mind feeds his curiosity from a position of total neutrality. Polarizing yourself into perspective locks or dogma is suicide for your explorer attitude - and in consequence, the food that cultivates your masculinity.  

Start practising to explore something without expectations. Do things that spark your curiosity without judgment, and fully understand the domain you're exploring. See everything as "testing it out" and approaching things with childlike curiosity.

What is Femininity?

If masculinity is imposing yourself into the world, femininity is the polar opposite. Femininity is about receiving and flowing effortlessly with life. This means that femininity is the natural state of the world.

Nature doesn't impose herself into the world like how humans do, which is a masculine function. The Earth did not get to decide what position it wants to be in the Milky Way, it simply just is. There is no cosmic intervention to make the world function in a specific way.

Due to the feminine being the natural state of the world, it often tends to be aesthetically pleasing and beautiful. Look at how nature perfectly orders herself from chaos, in the literal sense, the feminine gives life to the world. In physics, ecosystems and to our planet.

Principle #1 - Surrender

Surrender might sound like a dirty word, but it increases overall satisfaction you have in life. To practice being more feminine, you have to be more accepting towards the conditions provided by reality.

People who have developed their femininity can have mastery over their emotions. This is because you cannot fight with your emotions, but instead, you need to surrender and deeply accept these emotions. This is why a person who skews feminine feel their emotions more strongly.

A feminine person is also more loving and forgiving. They accept you for who you are and go along with it, the feminine don't impose themselves on you, instead, they offer space and provide support so that they can streamline the "flow" of life.

A lot of pain and suffering in humanity is simply caused by the avoidance and denial of truth. The refusal to surrender to the reality of the situation causes constant fighting and battling with nature's realities. Become more feminine through the function of surrender and go along with it.

Principle #2 - Openness To Experience

To be feminine is to open yourself up and let life flow into you. To not put up any defensiveness and innocently allow yourself to immerse and try new experiences. Sometimes this is difficult to achieve, since we have a natural tendency to not want to experience unpleasant things and emotions.

In my experience, my girlfriends become really happy when they can just wonder along in the world without worry. Everything is already taken care of and she can fully immerse herself into the experience.

This is in regards different from "exploration" as previously discussed. Openness to experience is more so about not putting up any walls and boundaries when it comes to experiencing life, characterized by its lack of intervention. Both physical, mental and emotional intervention to an "ideal".

Principle #3 - Being In The Present Moment

The feminine lives in the now. Simply because you can't enjoy embody life if you're living in the past or the future. The feminine tries to maintain her position in the present moment so that she can be attuned to her emotional states and become aware of what she is receiving from the external world.

Finding ways to consistently live in the present moment is a way to become more feminine and soak up the beauty of life. You can do this either through meditation, mindfulness or any other valid technique.

This is why you shouldn't be logical when dealing with a feminine woman. It knocks her out of the present moment and halts her enjoyment in the present moment. In extension, you're literally making her less feminine and more masculine.

Principle #4 - Giving

Giving is the reason why the feminine enjoys to build relationships and spend her time relating to other people within these relationships. The feminine enjoys the concept of "give without take."

Often you can see this in women's friend circles where everyone offers support to each other in a very commualistic way. Within these circles, every person can exercise their femininity and give something to others without expectation.

Women tend to enjoy giving but notice that she only likes to give when she is in a position of abundance. Therefore to cultivate your femininity, we must make sure to be in a position of abundance, so that we can be in a position to give to others.

Auxillary Function - Increasing Your Surface Area With Life

While not directly relating to femininity, increasing your exposure to life can help you soak up more of it. This is because the feminine want to experience more of life (emotions), and are extending the surface area of what they can receive.

In my how to deeply love others post, it discusses all the techniques to extend your surface area in relation to other humans. Building and nurturing crucial relationships is a way to increase your overall exposure to life.

In my how to love yourself post, we discussed the outer game techniques when it comes to increasing the capacity for you to love yourself. Day-to-day self-care is the primary way to increase the flow of life through yourself. This materializes as dressing nice, making yourself look beautiful and immersing yourself into pleasant environments.

In the material domain, we can extend ourselves out into the world by producing beautiful things. Music, art and organizations that directly bring beauty and joy into the world.

Attraction

When it comes to attraction, you would be attracted to the opposite skew. So let's say you skew masculine, you would naturally want to find a partner that skews feminine.

Most men like to be masculine, and most women like to be feminine. It is very rare to find someone who sits perfectly in the middle, but they do exist. The people where you can't determine their gender usually are in the middle.

Therefore, most men are sexually attracted to women, and most women are sexually attracted to men. A really feminine woman would prefer a really masculine man, and a less feminine woman would prefer a less masculine man. The Yin Yang symbol is a good analogy.

"When he stands still, his presence does not reduce her wildness. When she blooms, she doesn't make her weak. The mountain doesn't resist the rain, the earth does not abandon the storm"

Conclusion

I hope I have clearly illustrated that what you are, physically, on the outside has nothing to do with how masculine/feminine you are psychologically. You can be a woman and have masculine psychology and be perfectly normal.

Also, take time to cultivate both polarities. If you have a natural preference for masculinity, then practice to be more feminine and vice versa. You have to figure out for yourself where you naturally lie on the spectrum.

That's it for me. Best of luck. Please check out my other posts and practice everything holistically. Send me an email if you want a specific topic written. You can see "coaching" to see if I have room to onboard new students.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.