Dealing With Approach Anxiety

Approach anxiety can be paralyzing for almost any newbie. Although there is no magic pill you can take to get rid of approach anxiety, Here, I will share with you today how to effectively manage it so that you are still able to execute a good approach anywhere.

Understanding Approach Anxiety

Approach anxiety is usually caused by peoples pleasing behaviour. That's normal. You're attached to the good responce of the girl. The moment you project this attachment approach anxiety will kick in.

That's why people shares tips like the three second rule so that you approach before allowing your irrational mind to project your fears outwards. Notice that once you are in front of the girl, all forms of approach anxiety usually dissappears. That's why it's so important that you approach anyways.

Not Knowing

Approach anxiety really becomes a problem when you're constantly in the future, scared of the infinite amount of versions that a situation can play out. Nobody knows the outcome of approaching.

When this happens to you next time, just take a second to sit in not knowing. Be okay with the fact that you don't know what's going to happen. Accept all possible outcomes, and deeply accept that you need not to know everything.

From this position, it now becomes easy for you to approach because now you're approaching from a position of curiosity instead of fear.

Judgement From Others In The Approach

You may struggle with the fear of judgement you obtain from the girl and the people surrounding when you approach. In fact, you fear judgement so much that it prevents you from approaching.

Realize that all judgements reflect more about you than about the other person. If you feel that people are judging you for being creepy, that's because you judge yourself for being a creep.

The "judgements" you feel are merely a projection of your own psyche. Strong inner game solves this. As explained in another post of mine.

Rejecting Yourself Before You Find Out

Approach anxiety can also come in the form of rationalization, you make tons of excuses on why you cant approach. Maybe you think you're too Asian for her, or that you're too ugly for her or whatever.

Walk down the street and see how many girls you reject a day. You yourself are also judging women based on their superficial features. Why aren't you attracted to every woman you come across?

Therefore, there is no need to fear rejection because you're too xyz. Everyone does it. Your job however, is to walk up to the girl and find out if she has discriminations favorable towards you or againts you. You literally can't know until you approach her.

Emotional Regulation Techniques

A good approach is always grounded in the present moment. If you have a scattered mind, it's very hard for you to calibrate properly to the girl by reading off her facial cues and body language. I will share a few grounding techniques that helps you bring youself to the present moment.

#1 - External Calibration (2 minutes)
1. Forget everything and observe around you
2. Feel the energy of what's around you
3. Surrender to this energy and approach

#2 - Internal Calibration (5 minutes)
1. Close your eyes
2. Dig out your negative emotions, give them a name ie. ("anxiety")
3. Feel it fully
4. Open your eyes and approach

#3 - Relaxation (10 seconds)
1. "Where is the fear located on my body"
2. Identify where it is and relax that muscle
3. Approach

Use all of these techniques when you feel approach anxiety. Internal calibration is the most effective, but it requires the longest time to do it. So use these technqiues depending on the situation.

For example, if you need to take action immeidately, do the relaxation technique. If you are having approach anxiety over the session, take some time in the corner of the bar to do the internal calibration.

Half Ass Approaches

Sometimes to shield yourself from the pain of rejection, you start doing half ass approaches. Not only is this a massive waste of time, you're also not improving. This is a massive trap.

Always be commited on doing a fully committed, 100% approach. The rejections of course will be more painful, but you're supposed to be rejected by most women anyways. Adding to the challenge, you must do 100% committed approaches in volume.

You can start practicing components of your approach in my "itemized list of things to practice" and "how to do a approach well" posts. It's important that you nail your approach and make it perfect, as it makes game significantly easier for any future practice.

Conclusion

Best of luck. Please check out my other posts and practice everything holistically. Send me an email if you want a specific topic written. You can see "coaching" to see if I have room to onboard new students.

Cheers,
FriendlyWrenChilling.